Shatter Me
by Synaptic-Firefly
Summary: Who was Rachel McKenzie before she became a number?


**A/N:** Part of the KND Traitors verse, this finished chapter was floating on my hard drive for a couple months now. I figured it was enough to be a standalone story on its own merits. Enjoy!

* * *

**Shatter Me**

_**Eleven years ago**_

"Inmate number 362: Rachel T. McKenzie. Six years old. She had seriously injured three teenagers on Academy grounds by the time we apprehended her," the warden glared down at the little blond girl sitting on a bare metal seat, her brown eyes cold and unseeing as she stared ahead.

Scoffing at her lack of response, he continued. "Interestingly enough, she surrendered peacefully after the attack. Didn't deny the charges and has displayed the utmost of good behavior so far during her stay here. Naturally, I don't trust her. Not one bit." She continued the lack of acknowledgement to his words, the look in her eyes far away from the dark walls of this prison. "It's always the quiet ones you watch out for. All she does is _read_."

"I see." The lone woman looking through her clipboard finally focused her attention on the little girl before kneeling down to her level. That was what kids truly needed, yes? To be treated like little adults?

"Hello," she said in a clinical voice meant for another thousand problematic children in this asylum's disposal. "My name is Dr. Brindel. Would you like to tell me what happened on that day you hurt those nice teenagers?"

Those unfocused brown eyes were suddenly sharp and alive at her words. The woman almost jumped. "They were not nice teenagers," the girl said calmly.

So cold. "You don't seem to be very apologetic for your actions," she accused gently. "Do you not feel bad for what you did? You hurt them really bad."

Rachel blinked at her as if she were some kind of weird art piece. "How I feel doesn't matter. That is how everyone at the Delightfully Gifted Academy behaves, Dr. Brindel."

"I don't understand."

"Children are to be seen, never heard."

* * *

There must be something wrong with her if she was considered the odd one at the Academy.

Being just as polite and quiet as the other kids, she did not understand why the others did not gravitate to her like they did to each other. In face of the harsh rules and lack of socialization encouraged on grounds, groups still came together; children found best friends in the library or during break. She, however, was not so lucky.

Instead she learned to live vicariously through them, just watching from her perch on what was left of the jungle gym, which had been torn down last winter break and replaced with concrete benches instead. The metal bars were too dangerous for kids, apparently, but everyone knew the real reason. It was one of rare pleasures for kids and so the vicious staff got rid of it altogether.

School is meant for learning and nothing else.

But back when it was still up and running, she spent her lonely days maneuvering around the bars and challenging herself to get to the top and bottom in the quickest, most efficient way possible. It helped that trapped feeling inside that was constantly growing, both inside and out. She's learned the hard way that her dreary school and the lack of human contact can easily drive a kid insane if she wasn't careful.

After all, no one wanted to snap and become a Delightful Child. There was something... _unnerving_ about them.

Maybe this was a better alternative for her. Friends are a weakness. Once you let them in, they know all of your secrets and they can turn it against you. That was what her mother always told her to shut her up when she wanted to play with the other children during her lavish parties.

Keeping each other at a distance was what kept you safe. However...

Sometimes she would look up from her book and watch the other children stick together and talk or play chess or even secretly play hopscotch when they either bribed or waited until the recess monitors turned away.

She didn't mean to be unapproachable. It was just in her nature. Looking back down at the book her lap, (which wasn't even a fun novel but a _math book_), she imagined the numbers and letters told a different story than what was on the page. As if it spelled out that Rachel McKenzie did have a friend, even if it was only one. She would treasure that friend until the end.

Her wish a few weeks later was granted in the form of Lily Sanders, a recent transfer into her class.

"Everyone is so cold... like a fish!" she told her cheerfully during a very quiet lunch. Her ecstatic voice dropped down to a whisper when one of the monitors shushed her from across the room. "Geez, did someone die?"

"Welcome to the Academy," Rachel murmured without an inflection of emotion. "Children are to be seen, not heard." She tried to sound less formal, but was failing quickly. This was the first time in months since someone had talked to her of their own accord. She did not wish to mess it up.

Lily huffed at her plate. "Well that's stupid! How are we supposed to express ourselves if we're not allowed to speak our minds?!"

That was a very good question. Stirred by it, something akin to a flame lit up behind her muted brown eyes. "It's because they're adults and they know what's best for us."

"Yeah, but..." Lily made a face and stabbed at the broccoli on her plate and showed it to her. Rachel tried her hardest not to recoil from the horrible vegetable, but ended up falling halfway off her seat. Lily didn't seem to notice.

"...this is kinda extreme, don't you think? We're not machines! We're _kids_! We should have fun and play and go on adventures!" That was when Lily's whispers became more fervored and excited. "Like the _Kids Next Door_!"

Rachel blinked. "Kids Next Door?"

Eagerly nodding, Lily rummaged through her bookbag and pulled out what looked like a poorly put together condiment gun apparatus. "I borrowed it from my brother," she whispered excitedly before hiding it away again. "He's in the Kids Next Door and they fight evil adults for kids everywhere!"

Rachel didn't understand a single thing she was saying, but she didn't mind so long as the girl was willing to continually talk to her. She instead nodded mutely and tried to wrap her mind around the idea of a bunch of rowdy kids taking on powerful adults... and _succeeding_.

Was that even possible? Sounded outrageous to her.

* * *

"Okay, you see this?!" Lily grabbed Rachel's hand and pointed down the grounds. "Those teenagers are picking on our classmates! We should do something! That's what the Kids Next Door would do!"

Another shakedown. Rachel began to chew on her bottom lip as a well-known group of teenagers surrounded a couple of fourth graders demanding their lunches and any pocket money on hand in exchange for immunity from a beatdown. "Lily, are you crazy? We're not the Kids Next Door! Do you actually believe two second graders can take on a group of seventh years?"

Despite her hesitation, it really was bad, what those teenagers were doing. But they were just kids. What could they do about it? "They're from the Delightfully Gifted Academy for Young Adults. Threatening kids for their lunch money is commonplace here," Rachel continued softly, hoping to dissuade that anger manifesting in her friend's eyes. "We should stay away from them or else we'll be next."

Lily looked scandalized. "No way! How can you just watch this happen?! If we all just stand up to them and tell them we're not to be messed with the attacks would stop!"

"That's a bit idealistic, isn't it?" When Lily frowned in confusion, Rachel inwardly sighed and tried a different approach. "Bad things happen all the time. You can't just expect everything to be good and perfect."

She pouted. "Now you're just being... pissim.. patsy..."

"Pessimistic?"

"There you go with that!" Rachel blinked when Lily poked her hard on her chest. "Stop sounding like an adult! Don't you even remember what it's like to be kid?!"

"_I am_ a kid, Lily."

"No, you're a well-behaved child. There's a big difference!" Lily threw her arms up in the air and groaned in defeat.

Rachel didn't know what brought Lily's frustration at _her_ now. Maybe this was why no one wanted to be friends with her. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, attempting to muster as much sincerity as possible in her words. Lily always teased her and called her a robot, but that was how everyone in the Academy spoke. Eventually, even Lily's airy accent would eventually become as monotone and cold as the rest of them the longer she remained in the Academy.

Lily hopped up and down in petulance. "No! Stop apologizing! You're supposed to call me a ditz and that I don't know what I'm talking about!"

"You're a ditz and you don't know what you're talking about," Rachel repeated dryly and continued walking despite Lily's gaped expression. Maybe Lily had a good idea about this 'expressing' thing she kept preaching about.

With an explosion of giggles, Lily ran forward, clung to Rachel's arm, and beamed at her. "See? Didn't that feel good? All that bottled up feelings inside has to come out some how! What if you explode from it?"

Impossible. Though the idea did bother the blond child. She looked over her shoulder once more to find the teens shaking down one of the shyer students of the class and couldn't help but feel conflicted about the whole thing. Thankfully, Lily didn't seem to have noticed.

"You know what you need?" Lily chirped happily. "You need color! These uniforms are so stupid and grey and even though I always thought of it as a lonely color, I kinda hate grey now!" Pulling a string of pink plastic pearls from around her wrist, she rolled it over Rachel's and nodded at the handiwork. "There! See! Now you can be pretty too!"

Rachel looked at the pearls in genuine surprise. No one outside her family had given her anything of sentimental value. "Why?" she asked quietly, suddenly shy and uncomfortable with such an action.

"Why?!" Lily giggled. "It's because we're friends! _Duh!_ Friends do anything for each other!"

Friends. Lily said she was her friend.

The energetic six year old began to bounce excitedly. "Is that a _smile_?! Oh yay! You're smiling!"

Was she? The corners of her lips were slightly upturned and the world seemed a little more colorful. Even her drab uniform seemed to be revealing some extra hues that she had not seen before. Maybe Lily was right.

Expression was okay and not all adults knew what they were doing.

Those teens were considered young adults. So weren't they supposed to do what was best for them?

* * *

Lily wouldn't stop going on about exacting justice on the bullying teens. "And just what do you think you can do?" Rachel asked severely. The idea of Lily trying to stop them and getting hurt for the trouble was starting to grate on her already frazzled nerves. "Six year olds don't normally win out in a fight against three teenagers, remember?"

"Who said anything about fighting?" Lily retorted.

"What you said about the Kids Next Door... you said they fight adult tyranny. Doesn't that involve fighting?" Unless she was understanding it wrong. The frown on Lily's face said otherwise.

Huffing, Lily propped a large dictionary in front of them so they wouldn't be disturbed. "They do _other_ things too. Not everything can be solved by kicking someone's butt!" she whispered. "I was thinking maybe talking with them. Ease their bullying up a little. I can't do anything else because I'm not a KND operative."

Rachel shook her head. "You can't reason with bullies. They'll hurt you!"

"They won't hurt me!" Lily said confidently. "Don't worry about it!"

But she did. She worried a lot about this.

Lily would click her tongue and pout whenever they walked past another shakedown and Rachel would always pull her back at the right moment to talk some sense to her. They were much too small, too weak, and defenseless. Confronting them would be foolish.

She did eventually confront them. It happened when Rachel had to stay behind after school in her first ever detention after ending in a shouting match with the teacher for having them skip recess for extra studying the past week or so. Seeing Lily and a few other children tear up at the thought of missing another well-needed break seemed to make her more snappish than usual.

Eventually, she was sure her parents were going to tell her that Lily was a bad influence on her.

When she finished and continued on her walk down the same path she took every day, she found Lily in the hands of one of those teens and they were shaking her down like the others for her change.

Rachel didn't know what had happened. She had been angry and tired, negative emotions left over from a very bad day succumbing to the whims of a cruel teacher and an educational system that both nurtured and hated them at the same time.

More injustice. Unfairness. That was the last straw.

Dropping everything completely, she ran toward them shouting for them to leave her alone. When they shoved her into the ground and her head spun, the whole world seemed to be alight in red.

The therapists called it an explosion of anger, extreme emotion forced down by her six years of life learning nothing but absolute control. And when this particular event traumatized her, the fact that she saw blood on Lily's crying, split lip was that final push into a spiral of anger and madness.

She believed their words because she couldn't remember exactly how it happened.

"She just went crazy!" was one bystander's confession. "She was using everything but the kitchen sink to take them down! Her bag, a stick, _each other_, anything she could get her hands on. Those teens definitely didn't know what hit them until it ended!"

When it did ended and she could no longer see red, Rachel had found her uniform torn. There were scrapes and bruises all over her and she wanted to cry, but discovered that she couldn't.

What she could not ever forget was the horrified look on Lily's face and her screams.

"STAY AWAY!" Lily sobbed and scrambled away from her and the semi-unconscious teens. "You're a FREAK!"

So that was what she really was. _A freak_. The reason why she didn't have friends and why she couldn't even keep Lily for long was because something was truly wrong with her. She couldn't cry because she was incapable of feeling. The hope that there was somebody out there that genuinely liked her died the moment Lily ran from her.

This padded cell was going to be her only friend.

* * *

"Look alive _Inmate 362_. You got a friend here to see you."

Rachel glanced up from her book, blinking slowly at the warden, unbelieving that maybe it was Lily and she would accept her heartfelt apology.

The warden's harsh staring forced her to close her book and get up from her bed, waiting for Lily to bounce into her cell and forgive and forget. Well, maybe not forget. It was hard to forget beating down a group of teenagers with your bare fists.

Her cell door opened with a clang. Instead of familiar red-brown curls and light freckled skin, from behind the warden came a dark skinned girl with glittering dark eyes that practically lit up dreary grey walls of her new home. She gazed questioningly at her and then at the warden.

"You've got ten minutes," the warden warned the older girl before closing the cell door again. They were left in silence.

Rachel looked down at her plain white shoes, despairing that it wasn't Lily. "We have not met. I suspect foul play."

"Clever girl. Makes things easier," she smiled at her which was a first and probably the last. Lily smiled at her once too before it turned into a hateful snarl. "I see Global Command had you pegged down from the start. Three full grown teens brutally taken down by a _six-year-old_. You've been making headlines these days, McKenzie."

Resigned, her shoulders slumped down at his words. There was nothing to be proud of. Her actions not only horrified her parents and classmates, but drove away the only friend she ever had. "If you are looking to lecture me, you did not have to bother. I am interrogated everyday about what happened and my answers remain the same. I do not regret defending the others. I would do it again."

"So I've heard," the dark skinned girl continued to grin from beneath her bright red cap. "Lily, right? Her brother's one of us. That's how we learned about you so quickly." Rachel's head snapped up at the mention of Lily's name. That gave the older girl the incentive to continue. "Listen, you've got skill. Sloppy skill, but it's there. We can bust you out of this joint, consider it time served, if you're willing to put that raw power to good use."

"I don't understand."

The girl took a step forward. "The Kids Next Door always needs new recruits. Help us protect kids like Lily from evil teens and adults. It's better than rotting away for the next eleventy billion years. By the way, that entire court sentencing thing was rigged from the get-go. That's what you get for beating up the son of a powerful adult villain."

Rachel frowned. "But my sentencing, how are you..."

The older girl smirked cheekily and twirled something electronic in her hand. "I'm the 2x4 technical officer in my sector. I can pull any technology stunt whenever I want. I just put in this little note in their file saying you're transferred to a nice little rehabilitation cottage out in the Swiss and poof, you're out free as a bird."

Shaking her head, Rachel sat on her bed with an air of defeat. "I can't cheat my way out," she said softly. "I need to deal with the consequences of my actions. I need to redeem myself." That look in Lily's eyes and the fear of the other kids... she didn't want to experience that again.

"Girl, the only consequences you're dealing with is wounded pride," the girl snarked and knelt in front of her. "You're not insane. That school you went to ain't right and it messed with not just your head but everyone elses'! You know what it is? It's called Delightfulization and they indoctrinated you good!" She poked her between the ribs. "That fight in you? That's the real you that just exploded from all the rules. You fought because that clever head of yours rejected every single hint that crazy school forced you into! Kids aren't meant to act like little adults, McKenzie. You're the product of that system."

"We need that force of will," the girl continued softly. "The Kids Next Door _need_ recruits like you. You want redemption then use that fire to your advantage. Make it a weapon for kids everywhere, the ones who didn't have a say like you did. Understand me?"

Rachel's eyes widened at the older girl's words. Something in her burned brightly, threatening to ignite in that very same explosion of violence... only it was more compelling. As compelling as when Lily gestured the sign of friendship with her bracelet.

A chance at a new life doing good. "Um..." Rachel said uncertainly when the girl tested the bars of her cell. "Are you trying to get out?"

"Trying to get the both of us out of this joint early, yeah," she murmured. This time it was her who was surprised when Rachel offered her a card key. "Girl, where'd you get that?!"

Rachel blushed. "We're frisked every afternoon before entering our cell." It wasn't a very noble thing to do, but it was the only interesting past time she had available aside from reading.

"So you frisked the warden back," the girl whistled lowly. "I think we have a real good place for those quick fingers of yours. Ever heard of espionage?"

She shrugged, not very familiar with the word. "Who are you?" she asked instead just as the girl took the card key.

"Little ol' me? Name's Cree," she tipped her red hat to her and winked. "But you can call me _Numbuh 11_."

* * *

_**Two years later**_

"After I graduated the Academy, I knew exactly which number I wanted," Rachel solemnly perched herself on the edge of desk. He was listening almost reverently to her story so it was only fair to speak of it in the same tone.

"What better to remember my origins than the number they gave me in that prison. No sound, no light, no color. Just grey like the walls of the Academy. But they couldn't break me. Not the school, not there. What happened that day changed my entire life. There was no going back."

"_Inmate_ 362 became _Numbuh_ 362," Chad murmured and glanced at the string of plastic pearls hanging in her pen cup. "So I guess that's the infamous gift you got from Lily?"

Rachel shifted uncomfortably and looked down at the floor of her office. "I suppose it's silly to keep it seeing as she probably hates my guts... or forgotten me. But I never forgot who I became that day. It even reminds me that sometimes compromise and non-violence can just be the better alternative. Regardless of what Cree said, Lily had been the better person than me facing those teens."

Silence reigned for a moment. "You know what's interesting about pearls? How they're made." His strange turn of the subject made her look up. "Learned it from a field trip to an aquarium. When an oyster's insides are invaded by bad things, it wraps the contamination in layers and layers until it becomes nothing but a harmless shiny pearl. You've got something in you, McKenzie, something powerful and dangerous. That's why you were chosen for this job. You were born for this."

She raised her shoulders up in defense. "There was nothing great about what I did, what I was capable of. It was violent and bad and people hated me for it. If the KND hadn't recruited me, I would have..." The thought of being back in that sterilized cell again made her shiver in fear.

With a reassuring grin, he saddled up next to her. "A pearl can't be made if that dangerous thing didn't get there in the first place." She turned her head in inquiry. "Pearls are pretty. Rare. And lots of people fight and pay lots of money for them because they're valuable. You joined us and you were given the tools you needed to wrap that dangerous part of you up, layer it, and made it invaluable to those who need it. You have something better than a string of pearls to treasure now."

They locked eyes and, for the first time, he saw her drop her guard. Those brown eyes softened and her bottom lip started to quiver until she covered her face and tried to compose herself.

Perhaps, since that incident, she was finally able to express true remorse.

"Thank you," she murmured into her sleeve. "I guess reliving those memories still bothered me more than I thought."

When she voluntarily took the role of Supreme Leader years later there was a box with a single white pearl found on her desk. There was no tag of identification, but she didn't need it.


End file.
